i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
