Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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