I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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