Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
