Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
