Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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