Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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