So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
