Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm too high and old for this...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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