i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
