How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
