i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
