god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
