Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My balls are so social today.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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