You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
