when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
