I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
two words: eviction party
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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