It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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