I cockslap morals
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
