I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
