i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
