you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
