I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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