I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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