were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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