She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
