So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
