So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
