I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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