im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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