No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
