You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
