marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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