Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My ATM looks so different sober.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
