Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
