enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
