he shaved USA in his pubs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
