Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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