I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
