I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
