Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
