Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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