I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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