I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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