two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
