He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
