How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
