Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
