Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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