Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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