I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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