I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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