Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
